A – Excellent
B – Good
C – Mediocre
D – Terrible
E – Avoid
Release Date: May 16th 2014
Available From: www.fetch.fm
Price:
DVD £5.99
(Prices from www.fetch.fm high
street prices will vary)
Format Reviewed:
DVD
(DVD Only - 1 Disc)
What It’s About:
A
two hour documentary from 2010 and also included on the three disc release of
The John Cena Experience. Re-released in one disc, this is a video diary of
John Cena’s life which takes in WrestleMania to Money in the Bank of the
mentioned year.
As
you may have noticed, a new rating system has been implemented above. It’s not
a radical change but does include one more grade as there were too many
releases which didn’t fall into the categories covered by the previous grading
system. I have to stress, this hasn’t been added just for this release but will
now be in full effect for every Review Corner onwards.
Strengths:
‘Tribute
to the Troops’ opens the documentary with John Cena speaking to camera as he
does throughout the release which usually links the segments. Covering the
first issue of proceedings, John Cena seems wholly genuine when speaking on his
time entertaining troops around the world. It’s heartening to hear how much the
visits mean to him whilst displaying his ‘Serious Cena’ persona which we really
need to see more of in wrestling in 2014. The fact that John Cena doesn’t smirk
or look as if he’s ready from a script makes the whole subject a lot more
believable and one can distinguish his meaningful side from the character which
he plays on television and which is rife throughout the release. The speech is
followed by some really great footage of WWE behind the scenes as John Cena
accompanied by a parade of wrestlers, leave Raw and travel to Germany and Iraq.
We get a peek inside WWE’s private jet which is used to transport their talent
around the world before John Cena joins Rey Mysterio, Chris Jericho and a
handful of Divas in visiting injured troops in hospital on their way to Iraq
which is also covered in depth. Great stuff to begin with.
‘Mattel
Scanning’ takes places almost one and a bit hours into the release and is the
first segment on the documentary since the opening of the release which even
begins to cover the wrestling aspect of John Cena’s life. As you can gain from
the title of the segment, this covers John Cena having his head scanned for
models of his action figure. Whilst it’s a short segment it’s a welcome
distraction from all the nonsense which has gone before it and would have been
much more impressive and interesting had WWE taken the time from all the
American football stuff and given it to this, instead of having Cena just have
his face scanned WWE should have sent him to Mattel offices to see the creation
of the wrestling figures. That would have been an enthralling documentary
piece. The segment begins with John Cena, under instruction from WWE of course,
berating the company’s former business relationship with Jakks, who I have to
add produced countless excellent figures for WWE over a ten year period, by
saying Mattel picked up a fledgling figure line and turned it into something
huge. Jakks will be fuming with that. Some of the faces Cena pulls for the
scanning are first class and hilarious, however I would have liked an
explanation as to why Mattel only seem to use one expression for all of Cena’s
figures.
In
a sit down monologue, talking to camera, John Cena refreshingly touches upon
WWE’s star making problems which admittedly have gotten better since this was
recorded. He says that he wishes more wrestlers were in his position but never
actually comes out and says WWE are in the wrong for not pushing more men or
that he was partly to blame for 1) not willing to put other and lesser
wrestlers over and 2) not brushing up his skills enough to help lesser talent
flourish when it comes time for them to meet. Had John Cena held his hands up
here then he would have garnered more respect from the watching audience and
looked like he knew what he was talking about.
‘WrestleMania
Arrival’ sees John Cena ponder over WrestleMania season and admit that that
it’s the toughest part of his schedule. Though Cena shows no weakness here and
passes himself off as a machine it does at least give us a backstage look at
the hectic nature of WrestleMania and WWE preparing for the event. The
thousands of pictures John Cena hand signs on camera look tiring and it’s a
testament to his grit and determination that he gets through them without
complaining. His admission that he wants to give every fan the WrestleMania
experience is a believable one and for the first time since the opening of this
documentary, John Cena seems like a genuine guy. This is exactly the kid of
footage WWE needed more of in this release.
‘The
Mania Before Mania’ covers a wide variety of subjects including John Cena’s
training schedule in the gym before the event which is more of the kind of
thing required to make this interesting, his appearance for Make A Wish which
sheds some spotlight on him as someone willing to give his time for any cause
and is a nice touch. Though the two are under different headlines they cover
the same subject, that being what happens before WrestleMania and are a worthy
entry into the release. When training in the gym, John Cena dispels the WWE
mantra of muscles are everything when he says that it isn’t how you look but
how you perform each night. Try telling that to Vince McMahon. Even the hardest
Cena critics will find something to complain about when he’s visiting sick
children. This includes John Cena in meticulous rehearsals for his entrance at
Mania which is laid out and gone over with the extras. You won’t see that
anywhere else.
‘WrestleMania
XXVI’ delves behind the scenes of the grandest stage of them all, even though
it’s only fleetingly. Instead of taking the time to follow Cena around as
‘Wrestling With Shadows’ did with Bret Hart, its hasty in its approach and
skips a huge amount of the day. We see Cena in the locker room working out and
stretching, watching others matches not that it makes much difference to his
performance each night, but that’s about all. WWE don’t like to give too much
away and this segment really doesn’t. Had they made it thirty minutes of
intense documentary footage about not just Cena but every wrestler they could
find, this would have been vital viewing.
‘Cup
With a Cause’ is another John Cena charity exposure where he takes two ill
children for a free shopping trip around a 7-11 store which looks like a basic
garage. At least one of the children doesn’t look too thrilled to be there,
though would you, been giving a free shopping spree around a basic stop off
garage? Had this been in a toy shop then it surely would have benefitted the
children more. However that’s not what the promotion is about and Cena laps it
p being centre of attention. He’s very good with his young audience, I will
give him that and it keeps this segment watchable as it moves to the 2010 Money
in the Bank.
‘Raw
and Uncut’ is the final segment on the release and is another short look at
behind the scenes. It picks up with John Cena doing telephone interviews and
swiftly moves to him working his way backstage having a joke with other talent.
The segment ends with John Cena having stitches removed and talking about how
he has so many great stories to tell. Where were they when we really needed
them here?
Weaknesses:
‘This
is ESPN’ is the second segment on the release and begins almost an hours worth
of footage which has absolutely nothing to do with wrestling or what goes into
making a show each night which should have been the focus of the release. I
won’t deny, John Cena talks more passionately about other sports than he does
wrestling and it’s nice to see him this passionate but the whole angle begins a
parade of rubbish which really should have been cut for the most part. What we
see here is John Cena travelling and behind the scenes of his appearance of
ESPN in 2010. Why WWE believe we would want to see this is beyond me. What this
segment is actually used for is to hype Cena’s flipping of a coin at a college
football game which gets more build up and hype here than the splitting of the
atom or any feud WWE had hyped on television and pay-per view that year. It’s
mind numbing stuff.
‘Psyched
Up’ explores John Cena outside of the ring, filming an episode of ‘Psych’ the
television show. Exactly why we needed to see this is yet to be explained
because it offers nothing in the way of Cena’s work ethic we’ve heard so much
about or taking time out of his life to do things for others. This whole
segment is banal and made even worse by the phoney and sickening praise he gets
from the cast of the show. Every single one of them says that John Cena is a
wonderful actor, whilst anyone reading this who had seen The Marine, 12 Rounds,
Legendary or the other piece of trash he’s done will be able to tell you
otherwise. John Cena is almost as bad an actor as he is a wrestler but to
listen to people speak here he’s in line for an Oscar. I mean, even John Cena
has admitted his shortcomings in front of a camera so why include this when it
only goes against everything we know to be true? I can see why WWE thought it
would be a great idea to include this, seeing as it fits in with the whole
‘Experience’ title, but really, it’s only going to benefit die-hard Cena fans.
‘Fiesta
Bowl Parade’ begins by riling every critic in the land when Cena relays his beliefs
that if the critic hasn’t actually tried to do it then you should take their
opinion for what it is. Whilst that is true for some professions, it’s not for
wrestling as most wrestling critics are hardcore fans and know the ins and outs
of the business. This sounds like Cena trying to cover his tracks by saying
he’s a great wrestler and it’s people not knowing what they’re talking about
who bring him down. The actual segment is Cena riding through a parade on the
back of a car whilst several thousand mindless sluts scream at him. Before they
get to the end of the road, you’ll be willing them to go under the wheels of
the car. This segment may have been watchable had it been included on a release
primarily about wrestling. Once again. Every sentiment is saccharine and puke
worthy.
‘Fiesta
Bowl Invitational’ and ‘Fiesta Bowl Pre-Game’ are both short and worthless
pieces of tripe in which literally nothing happens. The former sees Cena
briefly wander around a hotel talking to strangers and pretending he cares
whilst the latter is him tossing the coin at the pre-game to the college
football game. All the build up for the latter moment is wasted when the actual
act is covered in less than five seconds. What the hell are WWE thinking?
‘Legendary’
is, as you can guess, coverage of Cena filming the movie and it goes on and on
and on until it reaches a point where we’re walked through a fight scene to
maddening effect. Not only that but we’re then shown the scene in full from the
movie. If you’re not gripping at the seat cushions as the last attempt to stop
you hurling the case through the window, then you’ll have done well up to this
point. As with his appearance on ‘Psych’, everyone on set gives false
sentiments about how good an actor John Cena is. Sadly for Cena, there’s no
difference between the character, the actor or the man. They’re one in the same
and it’s never been more noticeable until you see this when all three are
present. None of this does any favours for the claims that the man is
multi-talented. This proves that he isn’t and for how own sake should have been
omitted.
‘It’s
Going to be a Late Night’ and ‘Hustle, Loyalty, Respect’ are two segments which
merge into one and combined, are so lengthily they not only never seem to end
but carry on without any real focus. First Cena’s appearing on Jimmy Falon’s
late night chat show and then suddenly he’s in a recording studio screeching
out the lyrics to a song for ‘Legendary’. This provides the biggest laugh of
the release when the rapper he’s recording with has the cheek to turn to the
camera and say that “I don’t care who you are, you can’t face on John Cena”
which basically means you can’t write a rap as good as him. Are you kidding me?
I’m sure Eminem and 50 Cent would disagree with that. It’s nice to see Cena’s
love for music come out but his admission that he can’t play an instrument but
has been gifted with being able to put words to music is also laughable as
anyone who has listened to his CD can attest to. When Cena says they’re
recording forty feet below the earth’s surface, you’re just praying for an
earthquake.
‘WrestleMania
Golf Tournament’ is the perfect segment for golf enthusiasts; if you have no
interest in the sport then it’s another to skip. What we’re basically given is
John Cena whacking a ball around a course for four minutes with no personality
or interest. WWE neglected to include the entire tournament with other
wrestlers and just plonk this into the middle to apparently show how busy Cena
is.
‘Barrett
Jackson’ and ‘Start Your Engines’ explore John Cena’s fascination with cars at
a car show and then starting a race. Again, sod all to do with any wrestling.
These segments may have been tolerable had we been shown Cena buying something,
instead, he’s a poor man’s Jeremy Clarkson as he takes us on a tour of the cars
on display.
Conclusion:
Many
people who read this blog will known my position on John Cena in wrestling. I
don’t hate the guy; I just want him to do something the fans have pleaded for,
for once. I respect him for his dedication and time given outside the ring but
that’s about it. I don’t like or respect him as a wrestler or athlete because
he hasn’t shown enough for that respect to be earned between the ropes. So if
you think I’m being horrible about this release because of where I stand with
John Cena, you’re wrong. You only have to turn this on to see that. The one
thing I always am about every release is objective, and though some morons
can’t get that through their mentally retarded skulls, I will always say if
something is good or if something bad. If this was a good release, I would say
because there’s no gain in me lying. You’d see for yourself when you purchased
a release.
Because
of my feelings for Cena, I avoided this release when it first came out and the
three disc edition is possibly one of the only wrestling releases, along with
the first few Cena DVD’s that I don’t own in my massive collection. I had heard
nothing but negative things about the previous release but I did go into this
with an open mind.
By
re-releasing this as a single disc documentary and negating the five hours
worth of matches which came along with the three disc release would appeal to
non John Cena fans. Sadly, it won’t. For this to appeal to fans who despise
Cena with a vengeance, there needed to be a whole host more wrestling related
material included and less of Cena’s life outside the ring which feels like an
unimportant video journal at times with wrestling as a second thought. If the
goal was to reach non Cena fans then what was the best WWE hoped to get out
this? If you can’t stand the man to begin with, did WWE really believe this low
par release would change your mind? If anything, you’ll leave it hating him
more.
Apart
from their being absolutely no point as to why this should exist yet again,
there just isn’t enough here to keep non Cena fans interested for two hours.
Most of the segments outside the ring are filled with uninteresting material
and inane banter which prolongs unnecessarily prolongs the run time. Sadly,
this would have been something worth buying had it been a video journal of John
Cena’s life in wrestling. Seeing him plan out matches, talk and josh with other
talent, travel from city to city whilst getting his thoughts on the business
and how he got into it and his inspirations, of which there is nothing personal
here, interspersed with glimpses of his private life at home would have been a
cracking release. For whatever reason, WWE have decided to make the material
sloppy, false and uninteresting. Just like the man himself.
In
the end, this is one for hardcore John Cena fans only and then only if you
don’t already own the three disc release. If you do, it’s the exact same
documentary so don’t waste your money. If you have no interest in the man then
avoid at all costs because this isn’t just terrible it’s absolutely horrendous and
no amount of charity work or being a nice guy changes that. The John Cena
Experience is one I wouldn’t wish on anyone. There are much better things to
spend both your life and money on.
Rating: E
Next Time in Review
Corner:
WWE
Presents Wrestling’s Greatest Factions DVD and Blu-ray
Onwards
and upwards...
